


I'll Be Fine

by Prettywitchiusaka



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Character Study, Fan theory, Gen, Humour, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Survivor Guilt, headcannon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 20:27:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10771830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prettywitchiusaka/pseuds/Prettywitchiusaka
Summary: Originally written in February of 2017.In his heart, he knew it was a lie. But it was a lie he would happily tell himself again and again for as long as it took. He couldn't be falling to pieces of he wanted to get to the top. Takes place in the 2003 series universe.





	I'll Be Fine

Major Roy Mustang hissed as Doctor Urey Rockbell applied some rubbing alcohol to the wound on his back. Why did it have to sting so much?

Urey chuckled. "Don't worry, it'll all be over, soon."

"Yeah, I know," the young man muttered through his gritted teeth. He couldn't take much more of this.

Still, it could've been worse. He could be in a makeshift bed like some of his fellow men, right now. His body riddled with bullets, maybe even stripped of a limb or two, begging for death.

That wasn't Roy Mustang's fate, though. No, he was one of the lucky ones. Especially when one considered that this was his first time out in an open war zone. And as a State Alchemist, no less.

Known to the higher ups as the Flame Alchemist, Roy had proven himself quite useful out in the desserts of Ishbal. With just one snap of his fingers, he could reduce his enemies to a smouldering pile of ash if he wanted to.

The higher ranked officers that were there seemed to think so, too. Already, he was being dubbed the "hero" of the Eastern Rebellion, what with how many of their enemies he had slain using alchemy.

Heck, Roy couldn't help but smirk at that title. A Hero? He liked that; it made him feel important.

Add in the fact that Roy had been in Ishbal for almost half a year now, and the worst he'd received were a few minor injuries and a gash to the back? How could he not consider himself lucky? Going to war meant there were no guarantees of coming back alive, especially in an open uprising between the Amestris military and the Ishbalan people.

Anyone would be lucky to survive, and he was no exception.

That was until he felt the sting of the alcohol as more was applied to his back. "Damnit!"

Urey chuckled. "Sorry, Sir," he said. "I know it hurts, but if we leave it like this it might get infected."

That made Roy smile; it was good to know that even the midst of all this chaos there were still people besides him who maintained their optimism.

"Rick, Leo, what do you say?"

"Thank you, Mrs. Rockbell."

"Oh, don't mention it. You both deserve a treat for being so good today."

Hearing that, the young Alchemist looked up to see Urey's wife, Sara Rockbell. She was down on her knees, and giving two Ishbalan children some candy. The woman with them (probably their mother) was smiling at the doctor, touched by her act of kindness.

The Major was speechless; he'd been to their makeshift hospital a few times in the last few months, but this was his first time seeing any Ishbalans in here.

They weren't seriously treating the enemy, were they?

"I'm sorry to disappoint you, Major…My wife and I believe that there are no sides, just patients. A lot of these people need our help, and we can't just sit by and watch them suffer."

Roy just listened, his eyes fixated on Sara as he watched her wave goodbye to the woman and the two children with her.

"I'd appreciate you not telling Colonel Grand."

Roy remained silent. He never made eye contact with the good doctor, but he could tell from the tone in Urey's voice that he was nervous. Not that he could blame him; Colonel Basque Grand was not someone to be taken lightly.

"You can try, but I doubt it'll stay secret for long. He'll find out eventually…"

"But will you tell him?"

The alchemist turned to face Urey and shook his head. The doctor smiled. "Thank you, Major Mustang." Roy didn't say anything, he just gave him a smile.

The rest of his visit went by pretty quickly; Urey finished patching up the gash on his back, and Sara applied a bandage to it. When that was done, the Major put his dress shirt and military jacket back on and made his way towards the door. But not before stopping to chat with the Rockbells for a bit.

"Now, Mr. Mustang, make sure you clean that wound twice a day. Otherwise, it'll end up scaring on you," Sara explained.

"I'll do what I can, Mrs. Rockbell-"

"Don't give me that, young man!" she said as she gently patted his cheek. "You wouldn't want to scar that pretty face of yours, now, would you?"

Roy let out an annoyed sigh; while he did appreciate Sara's concern, he hated it when she babied him. But then again, this behaviour wasn't anything new, he reminded himself. She treated all the injured men like her children. "Geez, you're starting to sound like my mom."

She beamed. "Well, I should hope so. I have a daughter, you know?"

The room went silent for a moment before Roy spoke up and said "Well, I should probably get going."

"Oh, wait!" Before the Major could even ask, Urey had grabbed his hand and put a small roll of bandages in it. "You'll need some fresh bandages if you want to keep it clean."

Roy was completely perplexed by this act; he had only been here a few times, barely knew these people, and yet they had been so kind to him. It made him smile.

"Thanks, Doctor-"

He looked up, but something was off about the Rockbells. Not only were they wearing different clothing, they were also holding each other. But what really caught his attention were their faces; they were both paralyzed with fear, like they'd seen a ghost, or something.

"Is something wrong?-"

"Stay away!" Urey yelled as he clutched his wife.

Now Roy was confused. "Did I do something?"

"Please, Major! Don't do it!" Sara screamed. "We have a daughter!"

"Don't do what?" he asked. It was really starting to annoy him that they weren't giving him any answers.

"We were just trying to treat people who needed our help! You saw it, yourself, Mustang! Please! Please, don't kill us!"

Now Roy was angry. Kill them? Where did that come from?

"What are you talking about!? You just-"

But then he looked down at his hand. Instead of a fresh roll of bandages, he held a handgun. Then he looked down at the Rockbells; they were lying dead in a pool of blood before him. One of their hands on a framed picture of a little girl smiling, probably their daughter.

It dawned on him what he had done; he had killed them.

His hands started shaking. "No…No…No, No, No…No"

The young alchemist started to back away, still staring at their fallen bodies. But then his boot hit something. He turned around, and his eyes widened at what he saw; it was a pile of Ishbalan bodies, all of them were smouldering, some still even had their eyes wide open.

It wasn't the only one. Pile after pile of Ishbalan bodies were all around him. The more that Roy saw, the more he felt himself looking loosing control. He could feel his shaking getting worse, his breathing becoming heavier.

"No…No…" he looked back down at the Rockbells, unable to look away from their dead, lifeless eyes. "NOOOO!…NOOOOO!"

Roy let out a scream as he jolted upward. When the Flame Alchemist opened his eyes, he came to find he was somewhere else, entirely. No longer was he on the battlefields of Ishbal, he was in his apartment, wearing nothing but a pair of black sweatpants.

It didn't make him feel any better, though. He was still breathing heavily as he placed a hand to his forehead. He could feel the beads of sweat that were starting to run down to his cheeks, even his hands were shaking.

The alchemist sighed; it was times like this he wished he'd taken the advice of his friend, Maes Hughes and invested in some Prosac. Then maybe the nightmares wouldn't bother him as much. Maybe he'd be a little bit happier, even. But he doubted it, somehow.

Roy glanced over at the clock and groaned, it was two in the morning.

"Just great," he mumbled.

Tomorrow was another work day, and the last thing he needed was his First Lieutenant chastising him for falling asleep on the job, again. He needed some sleep if he wanted to get through the day ahead of him, but that was easier than done, now.

He still felt a bit shooken up from his nightmare. And knowing himself, Roy decided that the best thing for him would be a drink or two. That always seemed to calm his nerves on nights like these.

So the Flame Alchemist got up from the double bed and made his way towards the kitchen area, never even bothering to put on a night robe. Why would he? He was the only one in the apartment, tonight.

Roy didn't waste anytime. As soon as he got to the liquor cabinet, he pulled out an unopened bottle of scotch and a drinking glass, too. He then sat down at the table, opened the bottle and poured himself a glass. Normally, he would've put in some ice, but he could care less right now; he needed to drown out the memories and quickly. So without much prompting, Roy drank it down in one gulp.

When he was done, he placed the glass down on the table and let out a sigh. It was going to be awhile before the scotch knocked him out, and that irritated him. Heck, right now, he felt the urge to down the whole bottle in one go. The sooner he could fall asleep, the better. But for whatever reason, he chose to ignore said urge and just poured himself another glass. But then he looked down at his hand, and couldn't help but stare at it.

It was the same hand that'd snuffed out two innocent lives, the same hand that was stained with the blood of countless Ishbalans. Though for whatever reason, his mind was fixated on the Rockbells, tonight.

He could still see their faces as he pointed the gun at them, how they both carried no emotion as they slumped to the floor, their eyes turning opaque as they took in their last breaths, all because of him. All because he couldn't say no to his commanding officer.

And that was the moment when Roy Mustang, a man well known for his confidence and feared for his alchemic prowess, finally broke down and cried into his hand.

….

2:30 P.M., Eastern Time

Normally, the day was beginning to wind down for most officers at Amerstris's Eastern Headquarters, but not for Roy Mustang and his small team of followers. Being head of the Military's Eastern division meant that he was required to file a lot more paperwork than your average officer, which meant that his men had quite a lot of paperwork to look over, as well.

Of course, that didn't stop his men from discussing what to do once their shifts were over. They quickly settled on going out for a drink once they'd completed their paperwork, and were walking into Roy's office, interested to know if their boss wanted to join them.

Instead, the group found something else of interest; Roy Mustang, their esteemed Colonel, had dozed off at his desk…For the second time that day.

Warrant Officer Vato Falman had his hand on his chin, observing his sleeping superior while the rest of his friends were all contemplating what to do. "Well, he's definitely asleep, again."

Beside Falman was Second Lieutenant Haymans Breda. When he heard that, all the heavy set man could do was sigh. "Yeah, we already knew that, Falman."

To the right of Falman was a young Master Sergeant named Kain Feury. He couldn't help but voice his concern as he stared at the Colonel. "Yeah, but why? It's not like him to sleep twice in one day."

The other Second Lieutenant in the room, Jean Havoc, couldn't help but agree with the black haired officer.

Was it common for Mustang to fall asleep while on duty? Absolutely. But twice in one day? It was pretty obvious that something was up.

And while the Lieutenant was concerned, he wasn't as worried as the young Sergeant was. He'd known Roy for a lot longer than most of his unit, after all. "Ah, knowing Mustang, he probably had a hot date, last night, or something."

"I don't think he went home with a woman, last night," Breda mentioned.

"Really?" Jean asked. "So then something else is going on."

"Well, he could be suffering from sleep deprivation. He might also have not had a good night's rest, or he may very well suffer from insomnia," Falman observed.

Breda also started observing the sleeping Colonel; he was snoring lightly, and appeared to be quite content now that he was dead to the world. "I don't know, he looks pretty peaceful, to me."

"Well, whatever the reason, one of us is going to have to wake him up," Feury mentioned.

Breda took one moment to think this over and said "Yeah, you're right." He paused. "You do it, Havoc."

"What!? Why me!?"

"Cause he'll yell at you if he's grumpy," the redheaded man said with a Cheshire Cat grin.

Jean nearly popped a blood vessel. "Oh, real nice!"

"You got a better idea?"

"Yeah! Make Falman do it! He's the one going on about how it might be sleep deprivation!"

"Nope! I'm not doing it!" Falman answered. "I want to keep my eyebrows, this time."

Now, Jean wanted to scream; normally, he would've understood his fellow officer's concern. A few months ago, Falman had tried waking their superior officer from another nap. There was just one little problem; the Colonel had fallen asleep with one of his ignition gloves on. So when Falman finally woke him, he'd startled the poor alchemist out of his slumber. The result was Roy snapping his fingers and setting fire to Falman's eyebrows, it took at least two whole months for them to grow back in.

So Jean got why Falman would be so apprehensive to do it. There was just one little problem, something he'd noticed immediately. "He's not even wearing his gloves, this time!"

"Yeah, but I don't feel like taking any chances."

Jean could feel his eye twitching; why was he always the one getting the short end of the stick? "Well, I'm not doing it!"

"Neither am I!" Breda chimed in.

"Guys, there's an easier way to solve this; we can draw straws to see who wakes up the Colonel," Feury suggested.

His friends and colleagues and didn't even bat an eye. They all said "Fine by me!"

But before they could even take Kain up on his offer, they heard the door open and turned to face their other colleague, First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye. She was carrying a stack of heavy paperwork in her arms and didn't seem to notice that there were other people in the office with her.

"I'm afraid I have some more paperwork for you to sign, Colonel-"

When she opened her eyes, she saw two things; her fellow colleagues surrounding Mustang's desk, and Colonel Mustang himself in what appeared to be in a deep sleep.

Immediately, her face turned from a stoic stare into an angry grimace. "Is he asleep, again!?"

"Yeah," replied Falman. "We came in here to see if Colonel Mustang wanted to go drinking with us, after work and we found him like this."

"We were just about to draw straws to see who was going to wake him up," Feury said.

Riza looked back at her sleeping Colonel and frowned. He was lazy, and would often take naps in order to get out of doing paperwork. But two naps in one day was just inexcusable, even for him.

Fortunately, the Lieutenant was never one to take things lying down. "I'll handle this, gentlemen. Go back and finish your paperwork."

The group didn't even bat an eye, they all heeded her order and walked back into their separate office. Once they were gone, Riza walked over and let the large stack of paperwork fall onto her superiors' desk with a loud thud. Sure enough, the young Colonel's eyes popped open from the impact.

"Huh? What?" he asked.

He was still in a bit of a daze, but he slowly became more alert as he familiarized himself with the surroundings of his office. It didn't take long for Roy's eyes to fixate themselves on his annoyed looking Lieutenant, though. That's for sure.

"Sorry for interrupting your nap, Sir, but I brought you more paperwork to sign." She wasn't sorry, though, he could tell. Not that he blamed her.

Instead of complaining, Roy rubbed his eyes and said "Thanks, Hawkeye. I'll get on that, right away."

Riza's eye softened for the first time when she noticed his bloodshot eyes. "Are you alright, Sir?"

"Huh?" he asked. "Oh, yeah, I'm fine. I just didn't get enough sleep, last night. That's all."

Now she was concerned. "Again? This is the third time, this week. Is there something bothering you?"

By now, Roy could see the distressed look in her eyes as she asked him that question. In fact, he could see the rest of his men peeking through the door, and they too, looked concerned about him.

The Colonel stared blankly his Lieutenant, as he usually did. "No, I'm fine. Just tired."

"You're sure?"

Roy sighed internally, he hadn't meant to make her worry about him. And knowing Riza, she would probably be checking up on him for the rest of the day. He didn't want that for her; she had better things to do than worry about someone like him.

So the Flame Alchemist did the only thing he could think to diffuse the situation; he flashed her that trademark smirk of his and said "Don't worry about me, Hawkeye. I'll be fine."

Riza was not a stupid woman, though; she'd been with Roy long enough to know everything about him, from his thought patterns to his posture, and this was no exception. Sure, he was hiding behind a reassuring smirk, but the blonde could tell from the look in those obsidian eyes of his that something was bothering him. And even worse, that he had no intention of telling her anytime, soon.

The Lieutenant took a deep breath; as much as she wanted to push the issue further, she had no choice but to respect his wishes.

"I understand, Sir," she said. She gave him a salute and returned to her desk.

Roy smiled warmly at her before looking back down at his paperwork with a glare. As far the young Colonel was concerned, paperwork was a waste of time. But staring at the giant pile of

paper wasn't going to make his signature magically appear on them, so he leaned over to grab his

pen and start signing these documents. That all changed when he saw his hand, though; he couldn't help but stare at it sombrely.

"Yeah…, I'll be fine…," he thought to himself .

In his heart, he knew it was a lie. But it was a lie he would happily tell himself again and again for as long as it took. He couldn't be falling to pieces of he wanted to get to the top.

But until that day came, Roy Mustang had no choice but to take a deep breath, sign his paperwork, and tell himself he'd be fine.

The End


End file.
